so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize