What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
