The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
