Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
