You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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