Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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