who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize