I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
