I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
