Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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