dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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