If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
