Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
