Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize