oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it wasn't lemon gatorade
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
