mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
