so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize