when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
