The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
