I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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