I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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