he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize