The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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