i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
