I am puke
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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