Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
