Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
