I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
