Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
