i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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