I need help removing her.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
