so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
