sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
