I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
