what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
