it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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