Who did Billy Mays play for?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
