Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
