oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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