There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
