You can't special order awesome
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I intend to get homeless drunk
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
