Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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