Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
