Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
