I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
And then he peed in my hair
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