hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
