hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
