I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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