Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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