yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
