How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
