You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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