you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
this will be a night to untag.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
