Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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