i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
