I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize