I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
