uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
