wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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