yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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