Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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