NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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