Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Drunk is not a location!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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