Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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