I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you traded sex for a burrito?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
