508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
