It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think my fart just growled at me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize