Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
